kmktr: (Sniffle)
[personal profile] kmktr
He died this morning, at about 12:20, in my arms. It was not a good day for him, and I would give anything to wind time back and be more forceful with the vet on Friday. I suspected Gus wasn't doing too well, and wanted him to stay at the vet's over the weekend (on an i.v. drip since he wasn't eating) but the vet said to take him home -- he was sure Gus would eat.

I would have much prefered to get a call tomorrow, telling me that Gus wasn't doing well (he would have had three days of nutrition I wasn't able to coax into him, so he'd still be alive -- and under the closer, longer observation of the vet, I think Dr. Dan would have a truer idea of Gus' condition) and that now was the time to be kind and let him go gently. It would have been better on Gus, and better on me, too.

As you can expect, I've been a wreck for the past hour -- well more than the wreck I've been all weekend. If I sleep tonight, it's because I cried myself there.

It's all too new for me to process. Gus has been a part of my life for the past seventeen years, and I don't even want to think about coming home to this house knowing that he's not here. I'd love to write a tribute for him, but, it's going to be a while. Right now, I have to somehow figure out how to work around this gaping void where my heart used to be.

Dear, sweet Gussie, please, rest in peace. Just like your predecessor, whose name, in part, you bore, you were a most excellent cat. I'm going to miss you.
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kmktr

April 2011

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